And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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