standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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