if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
