Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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