Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize