Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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