it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
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Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
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I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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