Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
