bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
