Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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