I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
