Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
