Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
