one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
