I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
