I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
