how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
