Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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