Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
