I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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