Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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