Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
