Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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