so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
