Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
