I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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