Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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