Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
