smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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