I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize