Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
