Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
