Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
