i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
