So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
