I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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