My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
