There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
