Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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