i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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