I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
