I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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