this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
