come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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