nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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