Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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