so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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