I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
