I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize