Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
