Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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