just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I want her autograph on my taint
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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