Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
