Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
