I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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