My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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