I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
