Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
