a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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