My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
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i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
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New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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