both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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