i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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