That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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