Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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