You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
