You work out of a Hotel?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
