When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
