ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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