your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
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Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
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Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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