do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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