My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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