god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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