I checked into jail on foursquare
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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