Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
