Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
