I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
