Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
