if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
How external is "for external use only"?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
